- A Forum for Men over 40

Stand Tall — You Are Nature’s Greatest Miracle

rom a young age, boys are taught to lead the stereotypical life of cars, sports, and getting dirty. As they grow, they continue to be pushed to act and live a certain way. Older men have learned to modify their behavior and frequently feel like they have fallen short in life. However, the opposite is true. It is time to stop the facade, stand tall, be true to yourself, and embrace your strengths.

Reasons to Be True to Yourself

When you are true to yourself, you act as you are and follow your beliefs. The only way you can love others is to love yourself first. No matter what others think, you should have the courage to accept yourself for your positives and negatives. Never push yourself to be something else just to gain acceptance.

Oftentimes, young men are taught that following their individualism is not appropriate. However, this only leads to disappointment. When you act in a disingenuous manner, you get confused and your self-esteem suffers. It is like having a starring part in a play that you live everyday. Instead of playing a role, be true to yourself and allow you uniqueness to shine. In turn, you must respect others as well.

It takes courage to act in this way. You must be sincere and open-minded. You must stop others from defining who you are and the decisions you make. The people with the greatest success understand the challenges that come with daring to be different but know it broadens life’s horizons.

Benefits of Embracing Individuality

After you realize that embracing your unique personality is good, many benefits will follow. When you live as you are, you stop focusing on what others think. You will never risk feelings of rejection, which brings a sense of freedom. Acting in a way that is fake can be very tiring. Enjoying your individual nature is a wonderful release.

It is also possible to form deeper relationships. When you are living a fake identity and trying to please others, you form relationships that are not genuine. As you begin to unleash the real person inside, you attract people that have a connection to you and build trusting relationships. People who accept you for your special qualities will likely be there for life.

As you embrace individuality, you treat yourself with kindness. When you live a life that is untrue, it has a very negative effect on your self-esteem and can be extremely painful. As you open your inner-self to the world, it is liberating, and happiness abounds. You can appreciate yourself and get to the root of your strengths. If you appreciate what you offer the world, even your weaknesses can be viewed as strengths.

Finally, you will be able to uncover your true passion. Each person has a special gift that can only be found when coming to terms with individuality. Doing what you love leads to great happiness and a life with real meaning. No matter what stage in life you are living, it is never too late to change.

Focus on Your Strengths

Your strengths help you perform well and attain a personal best. However, identifying your strengths is just the beginning. You must place them into practice as well. Studies prove that people who take advantage of individual strengths feel happier and enjoy high self-esteem. To begin, you must become familiar with what you do best. This may be harder than it sounds. Strengths usually come without thought. After they are identified, they should be used wisely.

Numerous benefits come from focusing on your strengths. For instance, you will have more positive emotions. Using individual abilities provides pride and fulfillment. It is emotionally satisfying. Also, it will be the path to success. When you are able to take advantage of a personal strength, it leads the way to easy victory. It helps you work efficiently and thrive in relationships as well. Finally, it enhances self-confidence. Normally, people spend a great deal of time trying to correct weaknesses. However, focusing on strengths will raise self-esteem. It is impossible to gain success with low self-confidence.

Bask in Your Uniqueness

The world is filled with great wonders. Everything is perfect in its own way. This includes you. It is not acceptable to live a life that is filled with fake attitudes and beliefs. Even if you have modified your behavior to make others happy, the time has come to make yourself happy. When you focus on your unique personality and given strengths, you will be carefree and can make others happy. After all, these are the items and traits that initially attracted your mate. Get back to a time when there was no need to impress others with a false sense of being. When you return to your roots, you will be able to attain true joy. Stand tall, be yourself, and realize that you are nature’s greatest miracle.

How to Keep the Romance Alive Even with a Pre-Nup

sually, entering into marriage is a romantic time. Love fills the heart, and good thoughts abound. No one worries about splitting finances or fighting over assets. However, some couples are older, wiser, and decide to draw up prenuptial agreements. In years past, these types of arrangements were only for the rich and famous. Today, they may be helpful for anyone with significant assets or the possibility to own items that may bring a great deal of wealth. Although there may be negative feelings associated with pre-nups, there are some ways to keep the romance alive while planning the documents.

Discuss General Financial Matters

Even though there may be negative stigma associated with these type of documents, it is a fact that couples who have prenuptial agreements are more likely to have long-lasting and happy marriages. The best way to begin a discussion of a pre-nup is with a general conversation about financial matters. Well before the topic of marriage erupts, it is wise to sit down as a couple and discuss intentions concerning long range financial plans. When one or both parties has a significant amount of assets, it is a smart time to bring up the idea of a pre-nup. If talk is done early, it will be less threatening and shocking when the time comes for a marriage proposal. It will be possible to enjoy the important moments and maintain happy memories instead of dwelling on financial issues.

Serious Talks Before an Engagement

When a couple is getting serious and an engagement is likely, it is time to seriously discuss finances. Talking about a pre-nup before an engagement will not interfere with the excitement or romance of the proposal. Taking a gradual approach to financial planning will be a way to make sure that no one will be caught by surprise with the feeling that loves comes second to money. After all, a prenuptial agreement means more than just who gets what in the case of divorce. It is also a great way to plan how each person will contribute to the financial aspects of a marriage. It can be as simple as discussing who pays the mortgage and who buys the groceries each week. Getting the terms of a pre-nup ironed out before an engagement will allow the couple to separate emotions from finances. This will make the proposal all the more enjoyable.

Use a Third Party Mediator

In order to take the sting out of a pre-nup, it is smart to obtain a neutral third-party negotiator. This will keep both people happy and on even terms. No one will feel that things are being planned unfairly. An independent lawyer who has no connection to the couple will make a good negotiator. Someone with knowledge about family law will make a wise choice. When a neutral party is suggesting ways to set up the agreement, it will help to keep emotions stable and prevent the romance from becoming disturbed. There will be no reason to have hurt feelings or a sense of unfairness.

Present the Idea Correctly

When one person in a relationship feels that a pre-nup is necessary, it is important to broach the subject in a delicate manner. It is never wise to begin the request with “I want.” This sends the message that the person is only trying to protect personal needs and that trust does not exist. A better way to present the idea is by explaining that the agreement will protect both people, especially in case of sudden death. In many cases, a prenuptial agreement is an insurance policy that is mutually beneficial. A pre-nup does not automatically mean that a couple is planning for the worst. Looking at it in these terms will restore a certain feeling of love.

Remain Practical Yet Romantic

Divorce is common yet heartbreaking. As most people approach a mature age, it is not rare to enter into marriage more than once. When people are young, it is uncommon to enter into a relationship with money or financial security. However, the second or third times around, things may be different. A person should use common sense when considering a pre-nup. If there are few worthwhile assets, a pre-nup is not necessary. However, it is important to look ahead and assess whether or not a person has the potential to gain wealth from assets during the marriage. When this is the case, it may be wise to consider a prenuptial agreement.

Contrary to popular belief, conversations that lead up to a pre-nup can be a great way to begin a marriage. It should be the first of many discussions concerning financial goals. It is the basis for a couple’s dreams and ways to reach them. Even though money discussion are less than romantic, they can be a wonderful way to keep love alive.

Embrace the Loneliness & Regain Strength

hilosopher Paul Tillich once wrote, “Loneliness expresses the pain of being alone and solitude expresses the glory of being alone.” Whether you lose your spouse or partner due to divorce, death or a breakup, suddenly finding yourself alone over the age of 40 can be disconcerting, upsetting and painful. Like many who end up alone after being coupled for years, your first instinct may be to rush out and find someone new. While there’s nothing wrong with doing that, you should consider staying single and alone for a while. As noted by Tillich, there’s a distinction between loneliness and solitude. By embracing the latter, you can get more in touch with yourself and grow as a person.

Loneliness versus Solitude

If you’re alone and feeling lonely, it means that you’re lamenting the fact that you don’t have anyone with you. That’s a perfectly normal and human way to feel, but it can be overcome. Being okay with being alone means enjoying your solitude and making the most of it. Sure, we all want someone to share our lives with, but most of us experience periods of solitude at various points in our lives.

Loss, Fear and Despair

When a relationship ends, the feelings of loss can be profound. That’s true whether your partner left or passed away or if you left. Even when a breakup is absolutely necessary, it’s not a fun thing to experience. Unfortunately, it’s easy to conflate those initial feelings of fear and despair with loneliness. In other words, you may confuse your feelings of mourning the lost relationship with being unhappy with solitude. When you really sit down and think about it, though, you’re mostly alone even when you are partnered.

As uncomfortable as feelings of despair and fear can be, pushing them aside is a mistake. Instead, be kind to yourself while allowing yourself to really feel those emotions. This gives you a chance to work through those emotions so that they don’t spring back up at awkward times. For instance, without allowing yourself plenty of time to grieve and reflect, those feelings could pop back up just when you’re trying to establish a relationship with someone new. Your new relationship could be over before it begins. That’s not fair to your new partner, and it’s not fair to you, either.

How does one go about embracing feelings of fear, despair and loneliness? Wallowing in those feelings isn’t the way to go. However, thinking them through and reflecting on how they are affecting you are steps in the right direction. This can be accomplished simply by sitting quietly and thinking. However, many people prefer to unburden themselves to friends, relatives and other loved ones. Depending on the severity of those feelings, you may even want to meet with a therapist to work through those emotions. Another great option is to pour it all out into a journal. Whether you write it with pen and paper or on a computer, the processing of putting those thoughts into words can be extremely cathartic.

You’re Alone: Now What?

After the initial – and very understandable – stage of going through feelings of grief and loss, you may feel ready to get back out there and start dating. What’s the rush, though? By embracing your solitude, you can focus on yourself for a while. You will still have more healing to do, and you’re going to want to be in the best shape possible for whomever you start sharing your life with next. Instead of looking at your new solitude as a bad thing, try looking at it as an opportunity to grow.

Move Onward and Upward

A great way to embrace loneliness and regain strength is by working on yourself. This doesn’t mean that you have to do anything drastic. It could be something as simple as adding an hour of exercise to your day or getting a new haircut. If you have issues that have been pushed aside in the past, including debt, excess weight or much-needed home repairs, now is the time to tackle them. When you take care of business, your confidence and happiness will soar. Confident, happy men are much more appealing than miserable men.

Learn to Like Your Own Company

Sometimes, people are uncomfortable with being alone because, on a deep, subconscious level, they aren’t happy with themselves. Perhaps you just can’t sit still and be alone. Just because it’s never come naturally to you doesn’t mean that you can’t learn to enjoy it. Like anything else, practice makes perfect. Your old routine, which included a lot of time and space for your partner, is out the window. It’s time to put a new one into effect. By staying alone for a while, you’ll give yourself the chance to adopt a new routine, and this will make it easier to ultimately enjoy solitude.

You know that old cliché about how you have to love yourself before you can expect anyone else to do likewise? It’s true. When you’re constantly around other people, you never have time to discover the things that you really like about yourself, and you’re less likely to truly love yourself. By looking at it from that perspective, you should be able to resist the urge to constantly surround yourself with others. After all, if you’re scared of being alone, there’s a good chance that you’ll end up with the wrong person simply because you’re so anxious to avoid solitude.

Discover the Peace of Solitude

At first, being alone may fill you with dread and anxiety. As you become more accustomed to solitude, though, you’ll start noticing many good things. Peacefulness is a prime example. Once you’re comfortable in your own skin and okay with being alone, the feelings of peace and contentment that you will experience are sure to be profound. You may even learn to prize your solitude and will be more discerning about who you bring into your life in the future. In the end, being alone could turn out to be a blessing in disguise.

7 Ways to Protect Your Assets

ou’ve worked hard all your adult life. Maybe you’ve built up your savings, you’ve acquired additional properties or you’ve built a portfolio of other valuable assets. At this point in your life, you may be worried that all that hard work will be for nothing, and you’ll lose everything you’ve saved.

It’s possible; in fact, anything that you’ve built can be lost in a literal blink of an eye due to sudden bankruptcy, divorce or a lawsuit. There are many possibilities that you probably haven’t even considered. For example, if your teenage child were at fault in a car accident, your assets could be on the line. If your neighbor accidentally becomes injured on your property, your portfolio of assets could be taken to compensate your neighbor.

You don’t want this to be you.

You want to save your assets to give to your family. You want to have the opportunity to take everything you’ve worked hard to create, and you want to pass it all on to your family. In order to do this, you have to protect everything that you’ve crated.

Consider these 7 ways to protect your most valuable assets:

1. Increase your insurance

The more insurance you carry, the more protected your assets will be if there is an accident or other unexpected event. Make sure that you cover your bases and invest in several different types of insurance, depending on your lifestyle choices and living situation.

Consider each of these types:

Homeowners insurance – This is a necessity and not only to protect your valuable property if you own your home. Your homeowner’s insurance should include liability coverage in case you’re sued by someone who is injured on your property.
Commercial liability insurance – If you own you a business, you must invest in this insurance in order to protect your company and your assets in case of an employee’s injury.
Worker’s compensation insurance – If you own your business, you must also invest in this insurance which is mandatory in most states as well.
Auto insurance – Don’t be content with minimum coverage auto insurance, especially as your personal assets continue to increase. Your total liability coverage for your family’s vehicles should be at least equal to your total assets.
Umbrella coverage – This type of policy acts as a strong back-up insurance plan in the event that one of your other coverages, such as auto or homeowners, is exhausted.
Long-term care insurance – As you advance in age, this type of insurance may become more useful to you. By investing in long-term care insurance, you’re protecting your assets and those of your family from the high costs of in-home or nursing care if you would suffer from a debilitating illness or disability in your later stages of life.

2. Separate your assets

Depending on your home state and its laws, it may be advantageous for you to keep your assets separate from those of your spouse. In the event of a divorce or an accident caused by your spouse, jointly shared assets are split in half. Keeping your own savings account or separate property holdings will prevent you from losing what you’ve worked hard to achieve.

3. Formalize all informal partnerships

Working with a business partner is similar to sharing a joint account. If your partner is liable, your portion of the assets could be at risk as well. Be especially careful of making informal partnerships with friends or acquaintances. Create formal paperwork that finalizes all relationships and the sharing of assets. This isn’t being a bad friend; it’s just good business.

4. Create business entities

If you own a small business or you freelance work on the side, you should consider creating a business entity to help protect your personal assets. Whether you choose to make an LLC or a corporation from your business ventures, this entity will shield your personal assets from any lawsuits that are filed against your company.

5. Begin an asset protection trust

Rather than storing your assets in offshore accounts, several states are now allowing asset protection trusts that allow you to move a portion of your assets into a trust that will be granted to your children or other beneficiaries. In order to qualify for this protection, you must agree that the trust is irrevocable and that it will be run by an independent trustee.

6. Take advantage of retirement accounts

Under federal law, you can enjoy unlimited asset protection for many retirement plans and up to one million dollars in assets in an IRA. Some of the stipulations for retirement accounts will depend on the laws in your home state, but this option may be able to protect at least a portion of your personal assets.

7. Consider homestead exemptions

Many states now provide homestead exemptions that go into effect to protect an individual’s home equity if he or she would declare personal bankruptcy. If your state is one of those participating in this plan, you may want to consider investing more money toward your mortgage principal in order to build up a higher level of equity.

These are not the only methods to protect your personal assets, but these are a goo way for you to get started. No matter how you choose to protect your assets, you don’t want to delay your efforts. The longer you wait, the more risk you face.

Does Size Matter? What Women Say

t’s surely no revelation to say that men and women often view issues of sexuality in different ways. Consider, for instance, the maxim that “size matters.” This cliche has endured for many years, but is it true that women are fixated on the dimensions of the male organ? Or is that something that men worry about needlessly? Similarly, are women concerned about the extent of other things — such as waistlines and bank accounts?

The Size Down Below

For starters, the average Penis size worldwide is approximately 5.5 inches, a statistic that may come as a consolation to many guys. Even more of a relief, however, is that women are actually much less focused on this particular measurement than most men believe. In fact, opinion surveys have indicated that as many as four out of five women value the quality of intercourse more than the size of the organ. Women desire men who know how to pleasure them — no matter how large or small his instrument for doing so might be. It’s your golf swing that counts and not the size of your clubs.

Men sometimes worry about the size of their genitalia because they suffer from other self-esteem issues. The trick, then, is to be proud of what you’ve got. If you have confidence in yourself when you’re in the bedroom — or if you can at least fake that confidence convincingly — you’ll be able to set the proper mood. From there, nature will work its magic.

Muscles to the Max? Or Lean and Mean? Perhaps Pleasingly Plump?

Physical attraction, of course, also involves the rest of the body. So what are women looking for in the total package? New research continues to offer surprising results. That is, chiseled features are not necessarily what most women go for — despite the long-held societal conviction that muscular, testosterone-infused appearances always reign supreme. To the contrary, when most women observe male faces and bodies in clinical sex studies, they’re liable to react enthusiastically to leanness.

Obviously, it’s important not to make sweeping generalizations. Sex appeal is highly personal and idiosyncratic, after all, no single look entices all females. Indeed, many women prefer fleshier faces and thicker stomachs. As with the member, the secret here is to feel good about yourself and the way you look. Have faith that someone out there will find you to be precisely her type. And if you keep presenting yourself to women with friendliness and self-assurance, you’re bound to locate that person soon enough.

Cash Never Hurts

When people think about dating and marriage, the issue of money frequently springs to mind. Many women are attracted to men with sufficient funds because those men can guarantee a certain level of security. Clipping coupons obsessively is not conducive to romance, and it’s difficult for any woman to imagine a happy future with a man if all she can envision is financial turmoil.

For that reason alone, it’s important to hold a job that pays you a comfortable salary. And remember that it’s never too late to go back to school to train for a new position; online learning can make a later-in-life education especially convenient and affordable.

Wise investment planning is also a must. Who wants to run out of money and start counting pennies during the golden years? If you haven’t already, schedule a meeting with a reputable financial adviser to determine how you can effectively diversify your portfolio and maximize your assets.

On the other end of the spectrum, some affluent men fear that women only like them because of their money. However, this idea is highly flawed. Even if your partner first took interest in you because of your prosperity, if your relationship with her has endured, it’s almost certainly because she’s come to adore you as a person. Despite what cynical individuals believe, there are actually few women who would marry a guy simply because of his wealth. Think about it this way: You might notice a woman because of the way she looks, but you probably wouldn’t want to stay with her unless you appreciated her personality and companionship.

The Size of Your Heart

There’s one more size-related issue to discuss within the context of love: how big of a heart you have. To enjoy a thriving relationship, it’s crucial that you genuinely care about your significant other. In your daily life, consider her feelings, value her opinions, talk to her about her interests and her aspirations, and continually devise ways of surprising her. Give her breakfast in bed on a rainy morning, for example, or take her out for a Sunday afternoon picnic on the spur of the moment. If you’re authentically attentive and affectionate, she’ll fall for you over and over again.