Igniting a Romance When You’re Past 40

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parking a romance with your partner when you’re over 40 can be daunting. Whether your spouse is many years your junior, forty-something, or much older, she will have certain needs. She will desire ongoing attention, occasional romantic gestures, stimulating conversations, shared interests, exciting adventures, and much more. The question becomes how to meet her needs without exhausting yourself, including using your middle-aged imagination to surprise her. Getting stuck in a rut for too long is sure to kill any romantic feelings she currently holds for you.

For many women, the primary concern is the emotional connection with her male partner. The physical and platonic connections of your marriage are also important, but a woman needs to feel you love her unconditionally and deeply care about the quality of the relationship. If you’re always keeping that in mind, you’re ready to ignite a romance after age 40. First, decide if you’re ready and willing to attend to her diverse needs and make concerted efforts in the romance department. She deserves to feel special and wanted. What’s more, you must love something about her, or you probably wouldn’t be with her.

Laying the Foundation
All of the romantic gestures in the world won’t matter if you’ve hit your forties and let yourself go. A woman can feel more excited about her romantic connection with you when you maintain your appearance and a reasonably current wardrobe. She could easily tire of a man who sits on the couch most nights, watches sports and other TV programs, and consumes potato chips like there’s going to be a potato famine. If you’ve been married for a while, your spouse knows your personal habits, and she will notice if you make small changes to improve your attractiveness. It might be time to go back to the gym or start taking walks with your wife after dinner.

Planning Special Dates
At least once a month, plan to take your wife out on the town and spoil her. Give her a reason to buy a new evening dress, a pair of pumps or sexy sandals, and a clutch purse. Make her want to get her hair styled differently and keep her pedicure appointment. She should be as excited about special nights out with you as she was when you were first dating. Only now she knows what to expect, conversation can be more relaxed, and there’s time to start planning your golden years. If you’ve been together for many years, her preferences for going out may have changed. Hopefully, you can find a way to ask her without coming off as a cad.

Preparing for Alone Time
Typical nights at home and special evenings out on the town are both opportunities for concluding your time together with intimate moments. Only you know what your wife likes in this department, and you must take time to set the mood. It could be time to stock up on candles and scented oil, order her favorite Belgian chocolates, or schedule a couples massage. If your spouse likes to talk for three hours before cuddling up in bed or asks you to heat up the Jacuzzi earlier in the day, you must follow through on these simple requests. Don’t expect her to jump right to the hanky-panky without any efforts on your part. If your wife puts a time limit on you intimate time, it could mean you should reschedule. She may have pressing obligations looming the next day that make it difficult to focus on romance.

Scheduling Separate Activities
As much as you want to spend every free moment with your wife, she is also getting older and discovering new interests she didn’t have much time for when she was establishing herself in a career and perhaps raising kids. Talk with her about which days of the week you both will pursue your separate friends and activities. Time away from each other makes the time you spend together more precious and gives her a wider social network. Monopolizing your wife’s time, no matter how physically and emotionally connected you feel, could eventually make her feel smothered. She cannot give up her self-identity to stay married to you.

Showing Her Affection
The most important thing you can remember is to show your wife frequent, physical affection. It’s easy to keep expecting she will always do your laundry and make your bed. She might love to cook and clean and maintain the home. She doesn’t owe you these things until death do you part. There would be less to do if she lived alone. Hold her hand, give her affectionate pats on the shoulder, smile at her often, rub her feet and her sore back, cuddle with her in bed, and show affection in other ways she prefers. If you let the frequency of such romantic gestures decrease over time, she will begin to wonder where the romance has gone. The only way this is acceptable is if it is what she wants. Only you can determine if your wife is naturally less inclined to show or receive affection.

In the end, you are laying the foundation for your golden years together. Middle age is a time when many people change dramatically and discover they want and need different things from their spouses. Middle age is also a time when some marriages fall apart because couples lose their romance and stop pursuing shared interests. Make the time and follow through on what you promise your wife. Leave her with no doubt about how much you love being her husband.