10 Reasons You Should Keep Your Men Friends’ Close

W

omen are wonderful, and your woman fills your life with love and warmth. Still, the old joke about a war of the sexes holds a great deal of truth. Women typically see relationships quite differently than men.

For most women, a romantic relationship deeply colors all aspects of their lives. For just about any self-respecting man, a romantic relationship is a major part of life that still must be kept away from the clubhouse. Women often get mad at their men over this strong exhibition of masculinity.

That’s okay, though. It’s par for the course. You saw that cliché coming, didn’t you?

Keeping your buddies close is one of the most important aspects of playing through without being struck down by the lightning zaps of a normal relationship filled with occasional storminess and squalls. You probably knew this already, but expanding on it may help a bit. Let’s wander around the ten top reasons to stay firm with your men friends!

1. A man is not a decorative plant.
No matter what loud-mouthed feminists like to say about total equality between the sexes, men are men. They need to step outside the home and do manly stuff with buddies who also like to roam around doing manly stuff. Suddenly whacking to other places little round balls that had been peacefully minding their own business on calm blankets of grass, going to crowded stadiums to cheer as large guys head-butt each other during titanic struggles over the possession of air-filled, torpedo-shaped balls and gathering in smoke-filled dens to swap witticisms over a nice game of poker all qualify as genuine markers of manly men.

2. Fair’s fair.
Women do generally like to have their gal pals for chattering and nattering about everything under the sun. It’s ridiculous to expect that men won’t have their own pals for talking soberly about important matters such as which baseball teams are composed of bums who will never win the pennant and how to escape a deep sand trap without wildly digging a deep hole.

3. Gender differences matter.
Your girlfriend or wife can also be your best friend, and it’s perfectly okay to have casual women friends, but men friends are different. Just as most women are much more comfortable about discussing certain matters with other women, especially love and relationships, men are much more comfortable with the other guys when talking about subjects that would be awkward to bring up around women.

4. Friendships need exercise to be healthy.
Letting the seed of jealousy in a possessive woman grow into a carnivorous weed that consumes all your time and energy outside of work will slowly strangle your ability to have real buddies. Friendships die if you rarely ever feed them. You might eventually find yourself staring blankly at an old friend you’ve known since college. Go do stuff with your buddies regularly!

5. The old boys’ club is real.
We call it networking these days, but having contacts that may lead to a better job or other opportunities doesn’t just happen. Your men friends aren’t just your buddies; they’re gateways to the wider world. Letting their memories of you fade into the mist could mean stagnating in the backwater of a nominally terrific set of relationships filled only with your nearest and dearest.

6. Women are weird.
Yes, they are weird in a delightful way, but the way so many of them think is like that of a Martian, or was it a Venusian? If you don’t hang out with the fellows on a regular basis, you may start to feel your antennae twitching as they detect subtle emotions in relationships that need to be explored at great length. If this weirdness isn’t stopped in its tracks, you’ll soon find yourself immersed in picking out absolutely the best color for the bathroom drapes. The horror only increases after that!

7. Relationships don’t always last.
Painful as it may be to contemplate, many relationships reveal themselves as having a fixed expiration date. Modern divorce rates are high, and breakups with girlfriends slam in with the tides. Keeping in touch with your single or married men friends’ means keeping up the chances of later dating the attractive, single women they may know at work or through family members.

8. Absence makes the heart fonder.
This old saw is totally true. Being together too much can make little personal flaws and quirks loom larger and larger until they turn into cats and dogs fighting it out with much blood and fur flying. Prudently dividing your free time between your loved ones and your closest buddies will harmonize the celestial spaces and all that groovy jive.

9. Broader activities increase your personal development.
Regularly smashing about the bigger world with your men friends’ means continuing to mature intellectually and emotionally. You’ll become a more interesting person to yourself and to others, and your woman will pick up on that even if she sulkily acts otherwise.

10. Wusses are pusses, but he-men win.
Pusses are harmless little kittens that women like to pet and cuddle and put into cages to be neutered at the veterinarian when they grow troublesome and noisy. The dirty little secret of relationships is that while a woman may say she loves you for paying lots of attention to her and supposedly meeting her every emotional need, her innermost being almost certainly wants her man to be a swaggering bad boy who goes his own way. This deep biological imperative goes all the way back to when Ugg the Caveman clonked a lion over the head with his knobby club while Muna the Cavewoman squealed with fear and appreciation from the top of a large rock. You need not sport a motorcycle jacket with chains hanging everywhere or start fights at bars to be a real man, but you do need to make your own way across the whole eighteen holes with your balls intact. This refers to your golf balls, naturally — what kind of analogy did you think this was?

Your men friends are an essential element of being a real guy. They smirk at dumb jokes, occasionally make crude remarks, scratch themselves in public and even drink beer as if it were mere flavored water. This is the way of men, and without it, the world would be a poorly maintained six-hole course with dying grass.

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